I’m in need of a fresh start, a clean slate, a new beginning.
You see, the last couple of months I haven’t felt very balanced. Or beautiful. Or happy and healthy.
I got overwhelmed and I let my fitness slack off. Then it turned into this really bad habit, and I made excuses all the time. Definitely not something I’m proud of but I want to be completely honest with all of you. I’ve said this many times before that I’m a work in progress, and this is just another testament to that and the fact that I’m human and not perfect. I saw the signs of this slump that I was in and I tried (sort of) to pull myself out of it on a couple of occasions (like this one) but I just let it keep getting worse.
But enough is enough. What is it going to take? I keep asking myself this question. There isn’t a right answer, but what it comes down to is self-love. I need to start loving myself again. I miss the passionate, hopeful, enthusiastic, happy, healthy version of myself that I once was. I’ve started to feel a little more like my old self lately but I still have a lot of work to do, both mentally/emotionally and physically, to get back to where I used to be. I’m trying to keep in mind that set backs happen and all I can do now is move forward.
I don’t have much of a plan in place (YET) but I know the first step is that I need to do something active every day. Even if it’s just for 10-15 minutes. I have to start slow – I’m a few steps behind in my journey but I can’t get back to where I was by sprinting, I have to work back up to that place I was at. It’s kind of scary and sad how fast my endurance can deplete, but it’s just another reminder that I need to be consistent.
A couple of weeks ago, I listened to this podcast that really drove that point home for me. It was pretty eye-opening, for numerous reasons. In fact, it pretty much brought me to tears because it was exactly what I needed to hear. If you’re interested in checking it out, I highly recommend it: “Motivation and Energy on Demand” by Chalene Johnson (The Chalene Johnson Show). The whole podcast really spoke to me, but this next part especially (taken from the podcast transcript c/o chalenejohnson.com):
If you’re taking a chill day because you feel depressed, unmotivated because you feel sorry for yourself and that turns into a couple of days and then a couple of weeks, and then a couple of months and then a couple of years and it starts trickling into your relationships. You’re not motivated to foster your relationships. You’ve lost your energy to exercise. You don’t care about your bills. You’ve lost sight of your goals. You don’t have any goals. You wake up each day and you’re like, “I really don’t even know what I’m working towards”… That’s a problem. And it ends today. Lack of motivation, lack of enthusiasm, lack of energy can show up everywhere. I mean, it can affect us at home, at work, in relationships, our fitness, our health, our nutrition, our goals, everything. And it often creates this feeling of indifference. We’re not sure why we are unhappy and we’re not sure what it is we’re not satisfied with, we just are.
Boom. That right there is EXACTLY how I’ve been feeling. Lost. Not like myself. Tired all the time. The snowball effect started to happen – the more I DIDN’T workout, the less energy and motivation I had, and the cycle just kept continuing. Chalene then goes on to talk about a solution – one that has been glaring me in the face this entire time of being in this “slump”…
Let me be clear, nothing activates motivation like physical activity. If you want to improve your life, if you want to get things done, you need to learn to call up that motivation and that enthusiasm on demand when you need it. And nothing is more effective at pulling up that feeling than getting your heart rate up and hello, you know what I’m going to tell you, exercise does that for you. I mean really, put aside the weight loss, put aside your pursuit of having a six-pack. Put aside the fact that you’d like to wear a smaller pair of jeans. Exercise, even if it doesn’t give you all of those things which it probably will. But even if it didn’t, wouldn’t you still want to take a drug that gave you more confidence, more productivity, made you focused and alert and happy and patient and rational and balanced and motivated?
If there was a drug on the market that delivered all of those things and one of the possible side effects could be that you looked really fantastic and you live longer and you could wear a smaller pair of jeans and you had strong abdominals? If there was a drug that did all that, wouldn’t you pay whatever it cost to take that drug? The answer is yes. Well then, why aren’t you taking that drug every day? It’s a drug that changes your life. It’s free, it makes you live longer, it makes you a better person, it makes all these good things happen so why do you keep putting it off? You deserve good. You deserve greatness, you deserve motivation and energy and all of the things that come with it.
My jaw dropped, quite literally, after hearing this. I mean – these are all things I KNEW already, but I was so stubborn and depressed that I wouldn’t listen or it wouldn’t get through. I needed to WAKE UP. Stop just going through the motions. Realize that life is too short to not live each day to it’s fullest, to waste my time wallowing in self-pity, to not be living up to my potential. I need to take ACTION. Even if it’s just one small thing each day, I should always be doing something to improve myself inside and out. Exercise, healthy living, nutrition, balance, relaxation, fun, laughter, personal development, learning, creating, and so on. All of these things make me feel ALIVE. I have to put GOOD ENERGY into the world, and I will get GOOD ENERGY in return. However, it’s not something that just happens… it’s something I have to put time and energy into.
“Motivation is not something we just feel each day, it’s something we have to create.”
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I have to WORK at this every day, at becoming the best version of myself, at creating balance & making time for myself. EVERYTHING comes down to my health, that’s the whole point of this blog: HEALTHY IS HAPPY.
I lost sight of that. I let myself down. And now I need to pick myself back up. One step at a time, little by little, baby steps, small changes. It’s time to break the cycle. It’s time to stop making excuses and get my life back on track. For my physical health (and my heart) as well as my mental health – they go hand in hand! I may not very confident in myself at this particular moment, but with each workout that will improve and I will get back to being the better woman I know I can be.
// Side note: I also think this Ohio winter weather affects my mood and motivation level (undiagnosed Seasonal Affective Disorder maybe?). Or maybe I’m just making another excuse, lol. I am SO ready for spring though. I miss riding my bike, running outdoors, taking walks, etc. 🙂 //
Before I go, I want to end this with one final quote from The Chalene Show podcast I mentioned:
Today, you are filled with energy and excitement and creativity and motivation and your heart is racing and you know you only live once, you know you’ll never get this day back. So when you find yourself doubting, doubting if you can do it, doubting if you’ve got the energy, doubting if you’re enough, I need you to quiet that voice and just remember how far you’ve come. Remember everything that you’ve gotten through: all of the battles, all of the hardships, all of that fears that you’ve overcome and give yourself credit.
What’s next? Making some goals for myself… figuring out how I can improve each day and accomplish the things I talked about in this post… Oh, and making a long-overdue training plan. (I still have that 10K to
run walk/jog, you know…)
Until next time…